I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
