I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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