It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
