Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
