she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
