I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
