I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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