I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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