Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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