He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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