i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
