people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
As shirtless as possible
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
