Pappa wants mamma naked
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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