Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
