I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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