ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
