All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
