You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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