So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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