So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
