Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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