at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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