Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
