Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
