the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
