hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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