Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We just shotgunned beers for America
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
