Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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