between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize