You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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