bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Randomize
