You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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