Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
