i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
