im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
