ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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