I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
