You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
