but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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