Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize