You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize