that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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