god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize