dude i'm inner monologue high
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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