overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
