careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
