no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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