i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
