If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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