I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
