there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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