you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
