We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
