her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Randomize
