just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
