dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
dude. I can hear the air.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
