I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
