16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
