I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
