O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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