i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
