dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
