We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
