My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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