I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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